My 3 "stop B" plans

So little update. I screwed up on Friday. But just once, which somehow felt like a victory anyway. Then I manage to hold till Day 4, which is also much more than I did lately, but still did not beat my record of last week. Relapsed again on Tuesday Morning and on Wednesday Evening. Now I count Day 2 again. For those of you who are seeking for advice... I am following 3 kind of plans to keep me going on without eating and vomiting (well let's say all too much).
1. First I write down everything I eat. I mean everything, in gramms and in calories, also when I eat too mich.

2. Second I try to eat 4 times a day 500 kcal each meal, and what is most important I eat carbohydrates (potatoes, rice or pasta), at every meal. First I tried filling myself up with vegetables and salads and well you can eat a lot of that for 500 kcal... But it never worked for more than 1-2 days, now I eat a lot less, less vegetables and some carbs, 500 kcal total still, the first day was difficult because my stomach size is huge I guess, but then it got better and I am a lot less hungry now. Still hungry very often but less...

3. And then when I manage to hold for some days I go and shop something nice, I don't really have money but I think, like this instead of spending it on food flushed down the toilet, I spend it for something I can keep. Something that makes me feel beautiful. I need that. I feel so ugly sometimes I want to cry. Not my body, I love my body, I lost 8 kg with B, I weight 57 kg, my dream weight... I feel ugly when I eat, in those moments when I eat a lot I have to hide myself, I can't stand somebody watching me, then I am ugly when Ivomit, and I look at myself in the mirror, swollen red eyes, mucus dripping down my nose, face full of vomit splashes. Disgusting. Anyway. like this I feel double beautiful, no eating, no vomiting and I nice dress.


I wish you lots of light and patience. No more B!