Do you love life? Do you live life?

I love life. That's what I keep repeating myself... Hoping that one day I will believe it again. Live it again. Bulimia free.

Blog: day 1.
Eating healthy: day 3.
No purging: day 3. I have not hold so long for over 3 months. So right now great success... But bulimia has tought me more than that... Every time I hope.. I fail again. So I better don't hope, just know what is going to happen in the next 2 min and by now, I know... in the next 2 min I won't eat.

But as Samuel Becket said: Try again. Fail again. Fail better. So what? If I eat tomorrow, if I vomit tomorrow? I will still have won, 3 days long... Next time I'll fail better.

Bulimia: day 225 (I guess, and it does always surprise me that I can not remember my first time... First time eating, first time purging, with such an innocence I guess... I do not remember the first time of something that has become the most important thing in my life... I do remember my first time having sex though... ;) ) l

Laying down in bed waiting for sleep to free me. Then tomorrow will be today and it will be day 4.