05.06.12

Mood swings and milkmachine... Prozac side effects...

Trying to eat healthy: day 91

Eating healthy: I dont' coun't that anymore ;) I don't want to eat healthy, I just want to eat what I feel like (and I never manage... but I still try)

Vomit free: 30 hours

Top score vomit free: 16 days

Blog: day 89

Prozac 20 mg: day 29

No sleeping pills: day 49

No alcohol: 2 hours ;)

No cigarette: 1 hour

I am not trying to give up smoking and drinking (yet) by the way, I am only trying to give up on B.

Yesterday I noticed that my mood swings are more sudden than before, one second I want to lie dow, never wake up, die and the next one I am the most happy person in the world, everythings tastes, shines, flowers are beautiful, i love the wind... Probably side effects from taking prozac (fluoxetin)? My psychistrist prescribed it because it is supposed to help with eating disorders...

Another prozac side effect... I am not a pig... i am a cow, milk is leaking from my breasts... Big fat cow... ;)


04.06.12

Heavenly fish with mango paprika salad, guacamole and spicy beans...

Made my day... (recipe invented on a rainy afternoon)

You will need for 2 people

2 red paprika
1 mango
2 branches of coriander
1 garlic tooth
1 onion
1 green young onion
1 coffee spoon Paprika
2 coffee spoons Cumin
300 g fish
1 lemon
1 lime
1 avocado
1 tomato
500g green beans
2 table spoons fish sauce
3 table spoons soya sauce
1 little chili
A finger of fresh ginger

Mix red paprika, garlic and one chopped onion, rub the fish with the mixture. Cook fish for 15 min in oven (or until cooked).

Cut mango and red paprika in squares. Chop coriander, add juice of 1/2 lemon, some sweetener (or sugar), fish sauce (from chinese store). Mix with the mango and paprika.

Cut 1 tomato and the green of an onion in squares. Smash 1 avocado. Mix tomato, onion, avocado with the juice of 1/2 lime and freshly ground cumin. Add some salt.

Cook the green beans until they are soft but still crunchy. Blend a finger big piece of ginger with 1/2 chili, 1/2 green onion and the soya sauce. Add to the beans.

Enjoy...

Everything fat free (sorry I do not manage to eat fat yet). You can also add a good olive oil to the fish and mango salad and some sesame oil to the beans.



02.06.12

I want to die today...

Useless, hopeless, just harming every one around me... I wish I just would never wake up again.

I am so tired.

Tired to fight. Tired to fight so much, not knowing what am I fighting for.

What am I fighting for?

Who am I?

What do I want?

Can I be ME and get what I want without harming every one around me?

What am I fighting for?

I want to die. I want to fly. Forever.

But I can't.